Its a new year! And as such we are ever closer to the duckocolypse, signs of the four quacksman have been seen as west as croyden!
HOWEVER ALL IS NOT LOST...FOR $5.99 YOU CAN SAVE YOUR SOLE...no wait...soil
YES FOR ONLY £6.99 YOU CAN SAVE YOUR SOIL FROM IMMINENT DESTRUCTION
A taster (otherwise known as my new years resolutions and goals) to my new book "How to survive the Duckocolypse (and other related doomsday events) "
1)Learn a musical instrument! Yes...this will give you a worthwhile skill in the court of the damned and as such protect you from god knows what in the demonic realm. Myself I will be revelling within the joys of flute in the key of Bminor flat...or maybe sharp, for when I'm lazy/insane.
2)Go to every therapy appointment! Yes...therapy, what madness is this I hear you call, what horrible course of action are you attempting to afflict on us daniel?! I hear your calls and I reject their premise! THIS IS THE DUCKOCOLYPSE!!!! Do not forget this. Your sanity will be lacking, you will see terrible scenes that would scare great
Cthulu himself (well, you will if I forget to turn off the webcam before i get changed...) AND as such...therapy is a necessity to even surviving in this world! For myself I will be attending a weekly session for some weeks and then every day, yes extreme I hear you say but I shall prevail, I will become faster,stronger,smarter and I will train whilst you sleep! Well...maybe...I wonder if they have the technology to rebuild my psyche too, bionic eyes are awesome but I want a bionic survivor complex.
3)Stay in touch with friends! Yes every rpg has taught me that without allies, you will never defeat the end boss of december 31st 2009. certainly not on the first playthrough, solo-ing just won't work without metagaming and let me tell you GOD does not take kindly to metagaming! Me? I'm gonna be sleeping on Anna and Peters doorsteps (and possibly in their beds when they're not there) .
GOALS
Yes in the realm of the undergod one must have goals and ambitions or they'll find their ego utterly disintegrrating and being absorbed by the super consciouseness (who likes big brother so OBVIOUSLY we don't want that). These goals should be personal things.
SLEEP! Yes...without sleep you cannot communicate with the deep ones and seek their divine wisdom, how else will we ultimately plot to end the duck ones ruin? Me, I'm hoping to get to a place where I can sleep regularly and maintain a schedule, which will be essential to tip/resolution 2).
STAY IN THERAPY! Yes...without this all those hours of planning on how to deal with the mere sight of hidious duck gods will be for naught.
BUILD A SHOGI BOARD! Yes...shogi the game of kings, it's rumoured that this game will allow us to manipulate demons themselves! Well, that or pieces that stand for demons...we're not quite sure. BUT ITS WORTH A TRY!
YES this is truly the end times and we must hold fast in the way of the Anas platyrhynca invasion and all this and more for only $13.99! Do you really want to gamble your soil for such a small amount of money?
Special thanks to frazzmeister.
Comments (2)
Daniel, its Anna.
My bed is MINE. The doorstep is YOURS.
Deal?
I am prepared to arm you with several weapons to help you fight the feathered masses :D
The Duck enemy is insidious and foul, entirely without mercy or compunction. You are well warned to stay vigilant against the ravening hordes of the Great Enemy.
It matters not how strait the gate
how charged with punishments the scroll
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soil